A grownup’s guide to holiday gaming

A heartbreaking thing happened at a York County Walmart the other day.

It was well after mealtime on Thanksgiving, and I had stopped in for a copy of GRAN TURISMO 5 (that I was in a Walmart on Thanksgiving isn’t the heartbreaking part, though there’s an argument to be made there). A middle-aged shopper was mindlessly browsing the retailer’s considerable spread of Wii titles, babbling to an employee about the games she planned to buy for her grandson.

Their exasperation was palpable, mutual and completely understandable. The woman and the employee were clearly beyond their depth, and both were in a mood to make this transaction as painless as possible.

When the woman named her selections, I wanted to intervene. Surely no child has behaved poorly enough to deserve licensed detritus like HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS PART 1 and LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS: THE OWLS OF GA’HOOLE. What had this lady’s grandson done to her?

But she seemed combative and exhausted, and I’ve lived in York County long enough to know what happens when you speak out of turn at Walmart.

So I’m using my platform here to tell you, the generous shopper, precisely what to buy for the gamers in your lives. I won’t recommend something I haven’t played, but I’ve played nearly every AAA title this year.

First, a few provisos:

1. Consult the gamer for whom you’re shopping. There’s nothing more soul-crushing than having to tell well-meaning relatives that you’ve already finished the games they’ve bought for you. It happens all the time.

2. Just because you recognize a character on a given game’s cover does not mean that game is any good at all. More often than not, those games are churned out by cut-rate developers contracted to deliver something — anything, really — alongside popular movies. They don’t have your gamer’s interests at heart.

3. Do your homework. Check enthusiast websites like Giant Bomb, Kotaku and Joystiq for lucid, sincere reviews, and compare costs using Google or your favorite price-checking service.

4. Shop online. There was a time when you could rely on the staff at your local electronics shop to steer you toward a good game, but that era ended about a decade ago. Today, you’re as likely to be sold a $20 strategy guide and $5 “protection plan” as you are to walk out with just the game. Be strong!

Okay, on with it. Where possible, this list skews toward the end of 2010, and because it focuses on retail, it necessarily excludes digitally distributed titles. Please consider some sort of gift card or voucher — downloadable-only games like SUPER MEAT BOY and LARA CROFT AND THE GUARDIAN OF LIGHT are some of the very best titles of the year.

Seriously, they’re your No. 1 priority. What follows comes second.

MULTIPLATFORM

ASSASSIN’S CREED: BROTHERHOOD (X360, PS3) is bloody, but it’s bloody complete, too. No other action-adventure title this year offers as much polish and variety, and an innovative, cat-and-mouse multiplayer suite seals the deal.

ENSLAVED (X360, PS3) suffers from questionable combat and some technical trouble, but for my dollar, it’s one of the most exciting, attractive action games on the market. Beautiful and surprisingly colorful post-apocalyptic visuals, coupled with strong characters and an intriguing premise, make this the story-based brawler to beat in 2010.

Also consider: NEED FOR SPEED: HOT PURSUIT (X360, PS3), DJ HERO 2 (X360, PS3)

XBOX 360

HALO REACH simply does everything a console shooter should. Its incredibly robust multiplayer getup is built to last, and a satisfactorily varied single-player campaign merits at least one trip through. REACH is set before the first HALO game, but it positively gleams after a decade of refinements

Also consider: ALAN WAKE, MASS EFFECT 2

PLAYSTATION 3

VANQUISH might be an acquired taste — I’ve been raked over the goals for my undying love of Shinji Mikami’s own GODHAND — but it shouldn’t be. Besides, I have empirical evidence that proves humans are drawn instinctively to trash-talking antiheroes who fight 40-foot robots using rocket-boots and transforming guns. The most visceral and mechanically bulletproof shooter of the year.

Also consider: THE SLY COLLECTION, GRAN TURISMO 5

NINTENDO WII

KIRBY’S EPIC YARN is almost disappointingly easy on first blush, but its gentle difficulty curve is more than offset by a stunning and unbelievably charming presentation; tight controls that rival every other platformer this year in terms of sheer responsiveness; and a huge trove of collectibles that reward perfect play. Don’t be fooled by the colorful box art — this game is for everyone.

Also consider: GOLDENEYE 007, DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS

PORTABLE

VALKYRIA CHRONICLES 2 (PSP) perfectly distills the epic essence of the first game into an on-the-go experience. Strategy buffs will swoon, and they’ll do so for a while; the game is built to be played for minutes at a time, but it lasts dozens of hours.

Also consider: MARIO VS. DONKEY KONG: MINI-LAND MAYHEM, SUPER SCRIBBLENAUTS

PC

FALLOUT NEW VEGAS is technically available on the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3, too, but if you have an even modestly powerful computer, that’s the way to play it. The console versions are too spastic and slow to recommend at the moment, which is a shame, because there’s a tremendous role-playing game here. If you like throwing grenades at mutant scorpions and truly participating in interesting stories, you won’t need another game for a long, long time.

Also consider: CIVILIZATION V, AMNESIA: THE DARK DESCENT